I get tired of feeling like I'm talking to myself.  Like my husband isn't listening to a SINGLE thing that comes out of my mouth.

Like, I had a BAD THING happen at work today, and I was trying to tell him about it and he just WALKS AWAY while I was talking.  Didn't say anything, just got up and left!!

So, obvously he didnt give a shit about what I had to say.

I keep telling myself I'm just going to NOT talk to him for a while, but that never lasts long.

While I am pissed enough to give him the silent treatment, I'm a BIG talker naturally.  I like to talk.  I like to make people laugh.

But here I only have one person to talk to, and that is Robert.

I've lived in Savannah for several years, but I've not made any friends.  Not any real friends.

And since my natural instinct is to talk, I eventually burst and verbal diarehea spills forth.

Have I mentioned before how much I HATE being off?

No?

Well, I don't actually hate being off.  I like not having to work.

What I don't like is when I have to spend 24 hours with my husband listening to him bitch about every little thing.

Right now he's ranting and raving about having to send the recepits where he bought some bags of M&Ms to get a free star wars plush.

"They dont have the right to my receipts" he keeps saying over and over and over.

Before that he was pissing and moaning because he can't write a check right now because his liscense is out of date.  "They dont have the right to my DMV number."

Earlier he was bitching about how crowded everywhere is on a saturday and how Wal-mart shoudl not have a PA system and should not have the TVs in the electronics department blasting.

And many, many, many, many other things.

I'm so goddamn tired of not being able to RELAX or have any kind of fun because he's allways pissed off and bitching about SOMETHING.

I need a vacation from my husband.

I like days off much better when he leaves at 3pm to go to work.

I liked them even more than that when he left at 2pm to go to work.

Its starting to be that time of year again. The time of year where people are startig to talk about mothers day and how great moms are and how you should be greatful to your mother and thank her and buy her nice stuff.

I guess thats all well and good.......if you have a mom.

I have mixed mommy emotions.

See, I hardly know my mom at all. I don’t remember ever even SEEING her until I was in my teens, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her sober at all.

I love my mom. I think its genetic becasue she’s never actually done anything to MAKE me love her. I love her anyway.

I hate my mom, because I never HAD her. I grew up raised mostly by my dad. I have 2 brothers. Because of that I’m pretty much a dumbass when it comes to ways of women. I never did master making makeup look good. Good hair care? Nope. General hygiene? I bath. I brush my teeth. I use mens shaving cream.

Also, being raised in a mostly male atmosphere has left me a bit inept in the company of other women. I’ve always been more comfortable in the company of men.

Which is pretty good, because men seem to be A LOT less snarky and apt to stab you in the back than female "friends." I can’t think of a single one of my female friends who have not said nasty things about me behind my back. If my guy friends ever did so, they at least had the tact to not le me find out about it.

One of my mommy emotions is also sorrow. I missed not having a mom growing up. Not having someone to nurture and baby me. I love my dad to death, he is a wonderful man, the apple of my eye, but not very big on making with the comfort. Not someone I could go to when my heart was broken.

I never had a Mom.

I did have mommy figures. Like my Aunt Sparrow. If I could call any woman Mom, it would be her. She has been there for me.

And now there is Sheryl, my husbands mom, who is one of the sweetest most wonderful people I have ever known.

Even before Robert and I were actually married I was calling her Mommie.

She is Mommy, and Roberts dad is still Bobby to me. -smile-

So, right now its still a few weeks away from mothers day and I’m seeing all this mothers day stuff.

As it gets closer and closer to the day, and more and more people talking about mom and advertisements talking about how great mothers are I’m going to be an emotional wreck, not sure if I should feel love for the woman who gave birth to me, or hatred for her, or depressed because I never had her or grateful for the mother figures I do have.

Proceed with caution.

ALL ABOUT TODAY

Well, that was a waste.

Today was my day off, but We got up early this morning, fed the dogs, and went to the tag office to get our licences renewed.

There was a line. A HELL of a line. And the place hadn’t even OPENED yet.

Well, we stood in line about 15 minutes before Robert decided he didn’t WANT to stand in line, so we left. He said he knew a place on Whitmarsh Island where he’s gone before and there is never a line there.

We went there. There was a tag office, but they didn’t do license renewal. The only place that did licence renewals was the first place we went to.

That put Robert in a hell of a bad mood, so I ran away.

I went to Sheryl’s. We talked a while about Donkey Kong 64. Then we went to Home Depot, then to the Dollar Tree. I was going to go grocery shopping with her, but she decided to go later in the day, so I came home, washed a load of towels, and washed Boomer. For only the 3^rd time since we got him, Robert washed Rusty today.

After Robert went to work I went back to Sheryl’s to see if she had gone grocery shopping yet because I was still going to go with her, but she had already gone. So we sat and played Donkey Kong a bit.

Then she came over to my house and grilled hotdogs while I watered my petunias.

I ate supper. Played online for a while, then did more laundry. Changed the sheets on my bed, and decorated my "Circle Journal" cover. Tomorrow (when the paint is dry) I’ll have to count the pages to see how many people I can let sign up for it.

Then all the ceiling lights in the house decided to stop working.

Everything else worked except for all the ceiling lights, the AC and the back porch light.

And I had to tell Robert about THAT when he called tonight and that set him off AGAIN.

But I got out of doing the dishes, because the kitchen was pretty much pitch black. -smile-

I opened as many windows as I could to get some evening cool into the house, which got hot and stuffy FAST after the AC went out.

So, today has been a big of an adventure.

I'm uttely exhausted.  I dont know why.  I didnt do too much today.

I washed the dogs this morning, cleaned my mice, and swpet and mopped the bathroom and the kitchen.

I just want to lay down and sleep.

I dont think I have ever, ever, ever been so happy to start my period before!

Because it was late.

And I don't want to have children.

And there was that one night where we were stupid and used no protection.

I'm not on birth control becasue we can't afford the pill.

Last time I bought my birth control pills they were almost $50!!!

Eh..

But, anyway,

Today I bled, and it made me happy.

Up to a certain point.

Once I got over the "Thank Jesus I'm not pregnant" moment" I hit the "Well, shit, I'm on my period" mood.

I was at work.  There were no tampons to be had!!

Then there were cramps.

And now I'm craving red meat.

But I'm still happy.

Becasue I'm not pregnant.

Yeah, I think my subject line probably says it all.

I hate it when time goes foward.  I hate losing a precious hour of sleep.

I apologize to all of my BlogClicker, BlogExplosion and Blogazoo readers for this being on EVERY BLOG I OWN, but I'm trying to spread the word.  I hope you will too.

PLEASE HELP ME PASS ALONG THE WORD!

TODAY (April 1st) there is going to be a "comment-a-thon" for breast cancer awareness.

Greg Hammond of The California Hammonds, who lost his wife to breast cancer, is hosting his 2nd comment based funraiser to raise money for the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

Please click the link below and leave a comment:

http://www.californiahammonds.com

You just have to leave ONE comment and for NO COST TO YOU there will be one dollar donated to the foundation.

They are also looking for sponsers and incentive prizes, but you can help for free simply by stopping by The California Hammonds TODAY (April 1, 2005), or by helping spead the word of the commentathon.

The more comments he gets, the more money goes to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday?
Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?
Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday?
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.
Ain't I always nice to your kid sister?
Don't I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet 'cos I like you when you're sweet,
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Wednesday.  Short day at work.  Came home and worked instead.  -SMILE-

Lots of washing clothes.  Lots of dusting and vacuuming.

Gotta clean house to show for it though.

I got new shoes yesterday.  And since I’m a looser I shared a picture of them here in the blog.  -grin- Well, I like them anyway.  I actually HATE white shoes, but all wal-mart has was white shoes, and I can only afford wal-mart shoes and..well, these had the red on them that SCREAMED at me, so I bought them.

Speaking of screaming, do you guys remember the blinky shoes that were all the rage?  I never did get any blinky shoes of my own when they were in style.  I’d buy some now if I could find some.

Went walking with Sheryl this afternoon and saw a hawk.

Beautiful bird.

It swooped down on what looked like a squirrels nest and perched there.  I didn’t look like it was eating anything, just preening its feathers.

Little birds were coming from EVERYWHERE and dive bombing it, and it didnt seem to care.

Beautiful bird.

THE FAT FAIRY SECTION

Friday I weighed in at 231.

Yesterday I bought a new pair of shoes and a pedometer.

Today I have walked 10591 steps.  I’ve read you should walk at least 10,000 steps a day.  Guess I’m good to go then.

Well, actually I’m going to aim for doig 20,000 steps at day.

I also bought a jump rope.  Jump roping is good for cardio exercise.

Walked ½ a mile today.  We were going for a mile, but it started raining.